day 6: a girl can dream

Today was a gloomy gray day.  I spent most of it sitting in my dark basement on the computer.  It could not have been a more boring day, with the exception of a handful of amazingly wonderful phone calls and emails from old friends.  People who took the time to check in and see how I was, provide job leads, send some encouraging words and in a few cases, offer up other views of what I could possibly do with my life going forward. 

These little conversations I've had here and there where talk turns from real, solid job leads to things that are more like wispy iridescent pieces of ribbon floating on a breeze...just glimmers of ideas of what turns my life could take...these are the conversations that have kept me a little excited about being unemployed. I like the idea that even though I will probably end up working for The Man once again, there is just a sliver of a chance that maybe things could change drastically, and I could end up doing something amazing. 

I worked at Entertainment for nearly 19 years--it was my first job right out of college.  But I have had a few other gigs for short times in addition to that job.  Once, I worked for my ex-sister-in-law's uncles doing eBay sales.  They had a couple of full time employees and took me on for about ten hours a week to do simple things like write up descriptions, take measurements of garments, things like that.  It was a pretty large business, selling mostly jewelry and high-end designer clothing, shoes, bags, etc.  It was fun to be surrounded by all the fabulosity!  Chanel suits, opulent furs, shoes that cost as much as my mortgage payment--but then my real job got too busy so I left after about 6 months.  

Another time, I was co-owner in an antique store in my town.  That was fun too!  For me, finding amazing old stuff for cheap is probably about as close to the rush of jumping out of a plane that I will ever get.  So it was amazing to parlay that hobby into a job.  But ultimately, it was difficult to keep it up.  Two of the four of us had regular 9-5 jobs and it got to be too much.  

Years ago, I worked on children's workbooks at Entertainment.  I did some writing for them and, omg....the rush of receiving a paycheck--a good one!--for writing something. It felt like what I imagine drugs feel like to addicts...just an amazing rush!  But then that product folded. 

Most recently, I was helping my mother with her small business dying and painting silk scarves.  I loved doing it, but I was working a lot of hours and that got tough too so I backed off of that (still doing it as I can...which will probably be more soon).   

Recently, my brother suggested that I should offer my house up for photo shoots.  His girlfriend has recently started doing pin-up photography and they asked if I'd mind if they did a shoot here this Friday.  I said sure, why not?  They seem to think this could be more than just a one-off opportunity.  I'm not planning to get rich by it, but do think it's an interesting way to make a few (probably literally, a few) bucks on the side.  And my brother seems to think, based on a handful of band photos I took years ago, that I should get into photography.  His girlfriend is wonderfully motivating in that direction as well.  I love them for that--for just making it seem as if something like that maybe could be so. 

  

I received notice of the amount that my unemployment checks will be today...it literally caused me to gasp...just over half of my pay. I guess I was expecting it to be bad, but when you actually see the numbers, it's quite shocking.  So every extra buck I can make here and there is going to help.   

And I like to daydream in the few spare minutes between job applications that I might be able to choose a different path for myself this time around.  Maybe if I could find a bunch of sources of small income, I could afford to take a job that pays less, but means more.  I don't even have a clear picture in my mind what that would be...but when I think of the possibilities, I see myself just being happy and creative and maybe not building schedules in project or setting up update meetings in Outlook.  Well, a girl can dream.