day 1

Imagine that, an unemployed person blogging about it.  If anyone is hiring cliches, you know where to reach me.  Yeah, this blog is called mel unemployed. Because I got tired of trying to be clever.  I considered several options that contained words like "free!" or "unchained!", but let's call it what it is.  I'm writing because I lost my job after 19 years and I don't quite know what to do with myself.  Of course, I've applied for unemployment, I've got my resume ready to send out tomorrow...but as for getting my head wrapped around this, that will probably be more complicated.  So writing seemed like a prudent activity at a time like this. 

Yesterday I walked into my job at Entertainment Promotions with my pal Jill.  Before we even got to our desks (we had our coats on and our bags over our shoulders) our director told us she had an announcement--the company had filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy.  "The company is closed. We no longer have jobs.  You need to pack your things. There is no severance.  You no longer have insurance."  I was shocked, to say the least.  51 years in business...several hundred employees...and all of a sudden, time is up.  For all of us.  Just like that.

The rest of the day is a blur of packing and tearful good-byes, followed by a tv interview, which was followed by beers at a favorite dive bar with a couple dozen other stunned co-workers.  

I've started this all off feeling upbeat, oddly.  I'm seeing it as the kick in the butt that I needed to move on.  Last night was a flurry of facebook posts and messages from caring friends and earnest lists of things I need to do.  Today, I didn't sleep in.  I got up and went to yoga.  But, aside from my tearful good-byes yesterday, the reality of the situation has not caught up with me yet.  I started to get a little weepy in yoga, but I tucked it away for later.  

I spoke with a couple print vendors today--people I've worked with for years, who have figured prominently in my day-to-day life and I've come to value as friends. We owed one of them about $170K and the other one about a quarter million.  Broke my heart to think of how our bankruptcy will affect them too.  They might have to let people go as well.  

Little glimmers of the situation have been coming out.  It seems we are a casualty of a fight between a couple of billionaires (or maybe one billionaire and one guy who is merely filthy rich).  A couple of old white dudes from MH Equity who will wipe their hands of this and go vacation at their 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) homes and not give a thought to the people who are in single income households or dealing with cancer or other serious health issues with no insurance, people with kids, worried about how long they will be able to pay their mortgage payments before their savings run out...the list goes on, I'm sure.  

Ugh...so much to say...but it's 2am and I have vowed I will try to maintain a relatively early-to-bed/early-to-rise schedule.  I have night owl tendencies and I don't want to get trapped in that routine.  I've heard that's a fast road to depression.  Anyway, I'm going to try to make this a daily activity.  We'll see.  Feels good to do something a little creative.  It's been a while.